I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
