I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
