tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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