PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
