Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
