9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
