I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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