I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
