im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize