i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
