the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
