I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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