hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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