In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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