Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
