Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
