Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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