I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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