last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
