Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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