How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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