and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
