Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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