if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
