im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
