Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
