I met the friendliest cop last night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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