I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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