Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
