so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
