I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
