Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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