we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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