he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
