this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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