Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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