guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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