..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want her autograph on my taint
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
