yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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