I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
