If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
