I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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