you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
