After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize