I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
