Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
