No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
