tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
