The brown eye won't let me do that either.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
