Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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