My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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