apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
