The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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