what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize