Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
