FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
