obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
