The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
