its not stalking. its research.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
