Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
