I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
