I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
