I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
