In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
