I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
