so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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