WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
