Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
