you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
