Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Are we still banned from the library?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
