So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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