My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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