I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
