well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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