i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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