I got chris browned last night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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