OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
