So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
