My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Two words: nipple clamps
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