i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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