you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
