You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
