I heard we made out
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
