bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
