Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
