I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
love makes seman taste better
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
