the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
