Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
