I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
did i just pee glitter
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