Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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