The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
