the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
