Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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