If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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