Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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