Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
