my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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