Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
