I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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