where am i from again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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