Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
