She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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