It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
