my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The power of my boobs compel you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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